music 2

ok don't know what i did .....anyways

I love music.

I love the meaning it has behind it and the way it makes me feel.

Sometimes it cheers me up and sometimes it makes me sad and to tears.

I love to dance to funky songs and sing along when no one is watching.

I love certain lyrics and often think about them later on.

I love music.

FUCK!

So I have been passed over .....again.

I am really tired.

Tired of the pain. Tired of the self esteem hit I take everytime. What the hell is wrong with me? What defect do I have that repels them? I am so tired. FUCK

I am too old for this. I am too old to try and figure out what I do wrong in relationships and never really given the opportunity to fix anything before I am passed over.

Just once I would like someone to PICK ME.....pass over the other girl
CHOOOOOOSE ME!
LOOOOOVE ME!

FUCK IT!

I am so done.

The wall is around the heart again, it is very fragile, and its going to take alot for it to come down.

:(

Funk resumes.

more whining with a side of revelation....

Ok so here is the thing......

I really don't understand people sometimes. I was seeing said guy from my 'crazy' blog and then he stops talking to me. All together, I tried he ignored me. After a few more insult to injury I finally realize that HE is not worth my time nor my tears. So I deleted him from everywhere. I talk to my half brother who introduced us and gave him a heads up. I told him that I felt more for HIM then he felt for me ....it happens...we learn we grow we move on. (jenn liked it and so did i) My half brother said that HE didnt think I was ready for a relationship. What???! I said....

here comes the revelation part......

I have been told this before in round about sort of ways from other guys. But they all see something I don't see. I think now I see it. I need to get off the roller coaster before I get on the Ferris Wheel. (wow metaphor)

I think I need to get divorced from the crazy man before I think about embarking on a NEW adventure. This means I will not go looking for love, but if love were to find me, well then its meant to be that way.

So....there is my whine for the day.

Have a little whine with that blog.

HELLOOOO fellow bloggers.

Ok I realize that its been much much much to long since I have written anything on here. Not to say that I don't have anything to say as well I have alot of useless stuff to say. I think life just got in the way and days turn into weeks and then months....I think i have said that before....deja vu.

Anyways, my very insightful friend Jenn told me to whine on here instead of spreading my 'crazy' around. So I thought I will get peoples opinion on the crazy.

So here is the scenario.......

I met this very nice man at my half brothers wedding on December 5th. We hit if off and danced and talked then hung out all day the next day. The following day he asked half brother for my phone number and he called.

so far so good right......ok

He calls me every other day and we chat, we text back and forth all day. We meet at the end of December to finish Christmas shopping, we kiss in Walmart for the first time right there in the toy department. It was really good. We go out for dinner we do more shopping we make out alot in his truck.

He comes back to my parents condo downtown and meets them. They give the thumbs up....

you all still with me.......ok

Christmas comes and goes....and new years eve is upon us. I am in Calgary with my kids and I have plans to go out with Jenn. Having minor dress issues, realized that we will have to walk blocks , like 10 blocks, in high heels in the snow...so go to Jenn's. She as well is having dress issues and other issues but we eventually get it all organized and we decide to wear appropriate shoes and take our high heels. We are on the train....and after many stops we decide to screw it and go back to her house and veg out on the couch :D We go to DQ's as its the only place open and then go to 7-11 as its the only place that sells snacks and drink mixins ...go back to jenns....and we are watching movies and i am texting man and decide that perhaps i may get me some sex. I ask jenn if she would not mind terribly if i went to his house for midnight so i can get me some sex. And being the bestest friend in the whole world she said go for it. (still owe you for that one ;))

I get there at 11:50....we kiss in front of his parents. I meet his parents. We play yahtzee we kiss at midnight. Lots of hugging and such, hand on my leg........everyone leaves and we well....

it was awesome.

I hang out with him and his son all day new years day, we go out for pizza with his parents. All was well or so I thought. I text him that night to see if he wanted to bring his son and go swimming at my parents pool the following night.

I never got a text back.

I never got a text the next day.

No phone call when I got back to the mountains on Sunday.

I phoned a couple of times and texted a couple of times.

It is now January 11 and its gone from texting and phone calls to a handful of texts. Now granted I know he works and he has family stuff but come on. I was on MSN yesterday and I had some free time as the asshat had the kids but he was busy and couldnt say when he could see me. He was taking stuff to the dump and the second hand store ....they all eventually close I could have come over to watch a movie.....I eventually said that I wasnt happy as I missed him and I wasnt sure if he missed me. He went offline. No response.

So I offlined messaged him and said that I liked him very much but I need him to be honest with me.

Got nothing.

So my questions to you all is this.........

1. Was I used
2. Did I come across too needy and pathetic


Thanks for the whine :D
c