I am back on the elusive online dating sites. A little more jilted, a little more selective and a LOT more wise.
May or may not find what I am looking for but nothing ventured nothing gained.
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
a taste of the crazy.....
So being in a relationship I think is not what I am looking for.
I was with Mr. Big Black Man for two months ish and we talked on the phone and texted alot and saw each other frequently. The last visit to me, for some reason, annoyed me. He was underfoot and his jokey comments......irked me.
So then he leaves. And his crazy starts to show. His needy side starts to show.
So I ended it.
Better for both of us.
Back to the Harem I go :D
I was with Mr. Big Black Man for two months ish and we talked on the phone and texted alot and saw each other frequently. The last visit to me, for some reason, annoyed me. He was underfoot and his jokey comments......irked me.
So then he leaves. And his crazy starts to show. His needy side starts to show.
So I ended it.
Better for both of us.
Back to the Harem I go :D
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
Therapy letter
Dear ....,
I am not sure why I still think about you. It could be a certain song, or a smell, or something someone says but I instantly have a flash of a memory and it makes my heart hurt. I still cry sometimes because of you. I always thought I had abandonment issues because of ........(ex husband) but now I think it was because of you. I loved you and I thought we would always be together, I thought you were my soul mate and then one day my dreams, my thoughts, my heart shattered to a billion pieces.
I have never recovered since 1991. I went on to other relationships and I even got married. I learned a thing or two and we reconnected and I didnt want to believe, I didnt want to get attached to you because I was so afraid. I kept telling my self to be careful and not fall in love with you again.
But I did. I fell hard. In fact, I realize now I never stopped loving you since the day you asked me out in Grade 12.
The part that hurts the most is that I was there for you. I helped you through a lot. I helped you feel good about yourself again. I would do it again in a second. But you are not there for me. You said you would still be my friend even after you started seeing her. Its been almost a year since I heard your voice. Its been a couple of months since you made contact with me. You lied to me.
I just want you to know that I am happy for you that you found someone to be with you. I would be lieing if I said that I didnt wish it was me. Everyone deserves to be happy. I would trade all the nights we had together if you would only be my friend again. I miss you in my life.
As I sit here writing this letter I hope that one day I can get over the feeling that maybe one day you will realize that you love me as much as I love you.
Take Care
I am not sure why I still think about you. It could be a certain song, or a smell, or something someone says but I instantly have a flash of a memory and it makes my heart hurt. I still cry sometimes because of you. I always thought I had abandonment issues because of ........(ex husband) but now I think it was because of you. I loved you and I thought we would always be together, I thought you were my soul mate and then one day my dreams, my thoughts, my heart shattered to a billion pieces.
I have never recovered since 1991. I went on to other relationships and I even got married. I learned a thing or two and we reconnected and I didnt want to believe, I didnt want to get attached to you because I was so afraid. I kept telling my self to be careful and not fall in love with you again.
But I did. I fell hard. In fact, I realize now I never stopped loving you since the day you asked me out in Grade 12.
The part that hurts the most is that I was there for you. I helped you through a lot. I helped you feel good about yourself again. I would do it again in a second. But you are not there for me. You said you would still be my friend even after you started seeing her. Its been almost a year since I heard your voice. Its been a couple of months since you made contact with me. You lied to me.
I just want you to know that I am happy for you that you found someone to be with you. I would be lieing if I said that I didnt wish it was me. Everyone deserves to be happy. I would trade all the nights we had together if you would only be my friend again. I miss you in my life.
As I sit here writing this letter I hope that one day I can get over the feeling that maybe one day you will realize that you love me as much as I love you.
Take Care
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