Therapy Letter 2

Dear B,

First I would like to say that I am sorry. Sorry for letting you see that unfortunate side of me. I wasn't sure how you felt about me and then I overreacted and became insecure, in turn, showing my 'crazy'.

I am not apologizing for the way that I am. I am an emotional girl and yes sometimes I get insecure. I have a lot of good qualities that you did not take the time to see. You saw the crazy and bailed. Thats ok. It doesn't make you any less of a person and I don't blame you.

However, I am a great person with lots of love to give and would make an excellent girlfriend/lover/companion/best friend to someone someday. Quite frankly, it is your loss. I will always be your friend.

C

In conclusion......

I have made some conclusions. Thats a weird word.

Anyways, I have come to the realization that online dating will not find me the person I am supposed to be with. It will get me a reasonable facsimile and then that person will pass me over and pick someone else. For some reason I am that girl. The liasion between shitty and 'the one'.

So be it. I am ok that I was 'that' girl. I am not sure I want to be her anymore. I am going to be Cassie. Mr. Right, whomever he is, is out there somewhere. If I meet him tomorrow or 20 years from now, I am ok with that. I am good. My self esteem is getting bigger and stronger everyday. I don't need a man to make me happy. Frigger thats what electronic devices are for.......

-ahem- anyways.......

news

This last weekend was interesting.

I got great news and I got some not great, horrible actually, news.

A friend of a friend of mine passed away. One second she was here, the next she was gone. She truly was a great person who had that personality that you just couldnt get enough of. She will be missed.

It really makes you consider life. It makes you stop and examine your self and what you have done and what you have yet to do.

It makes you wonder. Would you have done anything different if your own life, as you know it, would suddenly stop?

Me for example, have four little kids, an ex who is (not sure what word to put here), a family that loves me and alot of friends.....old and new.

I would not change a thing up til now, because the things that have occured have made me the person I am today. I would keep on living my life to the fullest everyday. I will however look into maybe making a will so that my kids are looked after in the event that something would happen.

But its not going to....because WE have a deal ;)

Gore sex is best done in the dark.

yep....that just about says it all.

enjoy.

wow

So I am driving back from taking my kids to the bus stop this morning and I am semi listening to the radio and I hear this..........

I guess there was some contest somewhere that someone had about the best job or something.( I was clearly paying attention)..and anyways this man from australia won. He gets paid alot of money (131,000 dollars, don't quote me) to sit on a tropical island and take care of it and then blog about it.

Wow....now thats a contest.

ping.....and the light goes on

I have had a bit of an epiphany. I received some news the other day, it wasn't good and it wasn't bad it just 'was'.

The man that I wrote the therapy letter about is going to be a father. I was sad and not really sure why. I thought it was because there would never be a chance for him and I. I think now I was sad simply because I was worried for him. He just got out of a long marriage that wasn't the best. He had a rebound relationship (Me) and then started seeing this other girl. He has been with her for less than a year, he bought a house and are now having a baby. I am worried that he is going down a road that perhaps will end badly.......
I truely hope it doesn't. I mean that sincerely. I am now able to say that it was not meant to be or it would have happened for him and me. My fate is always ongoing. I am happy being me. I am always learning and growing. I am going to be just fine.

:D

fate.....

So rethinking the whole online dating thing. I have had lots of interest. Some genuine some sleazy all in all a positive experience.

I just don't know if this is the way I am supposed to meet my person. I know several people who have met their significant other on a website such as this but I just don't know if its the way its supposed to be.

I am a believer in fate and it seems that I guess I am feeling that I am tampering with it. I guess I will still go with it, get some dates out of it, and meet some people. If that 'person' is out there then I will meet him somehow.

Trying to stop controlling and fixing the things in life I can't fix. ie. Loving someone I can't have and has moved on with someone else. It happens. I cried. I picked myself up and dusted myself off.

On with it I go.

ummm....

So I lay in bed and I think as I am drifting off to sleep. Sometimes this is good and sometimes my brain doesn't shut off. Most of the time I think to myself 'that would be an excellent post for the blog'. When it comes to me sitting here and typing it out do you think I can remember what I was going to say?

No

Sorry I have nothing brilliantly funny to say.